My blog is usually positive. Except for tonight. Let's just take a moment to acknowledge that sometimes life really sucks. It happens to everyone. Life is going along in its lovely way and then bam, something really crappy happens. When I talk to my friends about it I call it the "pile of suck".
Often we have no control over these rotten times in our lives. We can try to think of the positives, but sometimes there just aren't many. I think of the people I have known who have been ill and I can't go to those people and say look at the positives as they lose their ability to live a healthy life. Life can be a struggle so let's just look at that head on. Life can hurt. Life can be painful.
Hey, it doesn't have to be something as big as a major illness, even smaller things in life can be a pile of suck. It's the things that steal your normal life and demand your attention and energy. That makes me think of things like a natural disaster or a robbery. They completely disrupt life for a while. Sometimes it's many little things that build into a pile of suck. For example, financial stress from bills piling up. Then there's stuff like a break-up. Even if that's a good thing, it surely is disruptive.
What can we do when handed the pile of suck? I agree with this article in Forbes. The three takeaways from Forbes are:
Learn from it
Reinvent your future
Don't lose your sense of humor
I am proud to say that I have done a lot of "learning" during my life. Just look at my other blog posts to see all the learning I have done. Now I am wise enough to write this fancy blog. 😏 The sad truth is that wisdom comes from the pile of suck and those people that I encounter who have not experienced many difficulties have also not gained wisdom. I recently met someone who almost died in Africa from an illness AND almost died in a plane crash! She had an interesting perspective on life from those experiences. Her mantra is "no matter what is happening, it is going to be ok." It's good to take a step back from the situation and figure out what you should learn from it.
Most recently, I have learned from my divorce. I'd love to say that I learned that I picked a bad guy, but that really isn't the entire truth. I learned that I am a harsh critic, especially when I love someone because then I expect so much more from that person. I learned that I need to communicate more effectively. I learned that I need to invest quality time in a relationship. I learned many things. It was too late for us and too many terrible things were said and done, but now I can take this wisdom into any future relationships.
I have a friend who is disabled. She is a great example of someone who is re-inventing her life. She could sink into the reality of becoming disabled in mid-life, but she's not. She tries to do as much as she can. She thinks of ways to fulfill her life within the parameters of being disabled. She doesn't give up and she tried to do what she can for others.
I am currently re-inventing my future as well. I am doing things that I have always wanted to do, but I never did. It's about time! I told myself that since I invested in one area of interest that I couldn't do anything else. That's not true. Keep an open mind about the future. You may think things have to be a certain way and have it all planned out. You may see a new direction because of the circumstances in your life. It's not just ok to follow that, it's great. I took the box filled with life, shook it up, and dropped the pieces on the floor. Frankly, I have never been happier. Yahtzee!
The last bit of advice is my favorite. I always approach life with humor. No matter how dark life gets, there is always something funny in it. Oh, it may be dark humor, but it's humor. I laugh at myself a lot more than I laugh at others. Sometimes I laugh because it beats crying. My ex was actually quite funny. He wasn't funny when he was trying to be funny. He was hilarious when life was a pile of suck. At first, my ex was so angry and hurt about the divorce, but as he thought about it he realized that I was right about that decision. Now we are able to share some of that humor again. I think it has helped both of us get through this.
Are you dealing with a pile of suck right now? Climb the pile of suck. Breathe. Laugh. Start thinking of what you can do. Take it on in little steps. Learn from it. Realize that it is a moment in time and it will eventually end. Let the people around you give you some support. Don't worry about taking that support, they will need it returned to them at some point. Don't let it break you. Try to find joy where you can while dealing with it.
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