Failure

 

I have been thinking about failure. I love this song because it reminds us that trying is half the battle. The other half is trying again.

I do love asking people about the worst mistake they have ever made and how they resolved it. Gee, I have made so many that it's difficult to pick just one. :-) Actually, that's not true, because it all depends on how you view failure. Bram Stoker is on to something here. Failure is an opportunity to learn. If it's painful, then it's a really valuable lesson.

Success or failure most often comes from risk and without risk, there is no growth. Many people are risk-averse and will not try things because they may fail. Sorry ladies, but women can be especially poor risk-takers. Old people, you are also missing out because you are not willing to risk as much. Don't live with the regrets of risks not taken. If you miss opportunities there will always be more, but not the same ones.

Sure I have made mistakes at work and I have been in some pretty terrible personal relationships. Those are not my biggest mistakes. The biggest mistakes I have made are the risks not taken. The goals that I never pursued. The times that I gave up. The times that I relentlessly pursued something, I have always been successful. That success came from tenacity as much as from skill.

J.K. Rowling submitted her first Harry Potter book 12 times before it was published. One author I saw in a panel described her experience with getting her book published. She submitted it 32 times before it was published. I was joking with some people at work that it would be like going on 32 dates and not getting a second date!

I have come to realize that when you really want to publish that book then you will submit your work as many times as needed until you succeed. You may make edits along the way, but the goal is achievable. If you want to meet the person of your dreams, then you go on those 32 dates and you don't settle. If you want to master anything then you fail a lot, until you don't.

When you allow yourself to fully experience failure, when you do succeed it can be much more meaningful.

Ancient Style

 

     Stile Antico translates into ancient style. On Friday I saw Stile Antico at St. John's Cathedral in Denver. They are a British early music ensemble. The performance was so beautiful and so powerful. It's the type of music that reaches deep within you. The greeter at the door said "Just one ticket? Are you expecting anyone else?" I smiled and told her that I was alone. This was to be a solitary and peaceful moment.

     One of the most amazing things about music is its ability to transport us to other times and places. You hear a song that reminds you of your childhood and you say "turn it up, I like this song." You might shed a tear when a song comes on that reminds you of a rough time in your life. I wanted to be transported to an ancient time and place. I was not disappointed.

     I like early music performed in a cathedral because the voices echo and surround you. I enjoy all music, but there is a beautiful simplicity in the human voice. This music would sound the same now as it would have hundreds of years ago. So many things do not last, so there is a kind of magic in these ancient songs that survived.

Go Vegetarian

 

I have had so many discussions about being a vegetarian. If I am looking for an argument, I can always get one with this topic. There are things that I always hear. 

     1) I don't eat much meat

     2) God put animals on this planet to be eaten (Dominion)

     3) Plants have feelings too, and you kill those 

     4) How do you get enough protein?

     5) What do you eat?

     I am not going to address those. OK, I will provide a protein chart. I am getting plenty of protein, thanks  for your concern. I am going to tell you my perspective and send you to a lot of links with compelling reasons. I am not your food police. I am not going to judge you, ok, maybe a little. I am going to post this because this topic is really important to me.

     I became a vegetarian when I was 18 years old. My initial reason was not noble. I was attending Boston University and the food in the dorm was terrible. One time, someone at my table found a feather still in her chicken! There was an all vegetarian option at one the dorms. I started eating there because the food was so much better. I started talking to people who had much better reasons than I did to go vegetarian. I did a lot of research. I realized that my life would be forever changed. 

     Later, I remembered when I found out what meat was. I was seven, a very mature seven. I remember asking why we would eat animals and my parents said "Honey that's just what people do. It's the food chain." I also remember crying when I thought about what was on my plate. I loved animals then and I love them now. If I were to use one word to describe how I want to be, it would be compassionate. If that is what I wish to be, then that is how I must live. Every day. If  I ever lose my compassion, then I have truly lost myself.   

     Many vegetarians did not like meat in the first place. I did. I do. It has been a long time and it still tempts me. I will go to a festival and the smell of the meat is incredible. It is also inconvenient. Every time I travel I wonder if I will find something decent to eat. I am saying this because I do understand that this is a really tough choice. It's even tougher for vegans, and frankly I could not stick with that. My line is to avoid eating anything that once breathed. Everyone has a different line.

     There are numerous reasons to adopt a vegetarian lifestyle. It really comes down to three main reasons. Health, environment, and/or compassion for animals. I will touch on each of these. I am mostly in it for the respect and love of life.

     I can't really preach about health. I was probably one of the few obese vegetarians. That being said, going vegetarian can reduce your risk of cancer by 40%. It can also help with heart disease and Type 2 Diabetes. There are many articles about this and some that say a vegetarian diet is not healthy. Research, you decide. You can avoid the carcinogens and antibiotics in meat when you eat a more vegetable based diet.

     Care about the environment? Care about world hunger? Consider a more vegetable based diet. The UN Panel on climate change urges people to reduce meat intake to impact climate change. Livestock farming creates more greenhouse gases than all transportation. There is also tremendous water waste associated with meat production. Consider all that water (2500 gallons per pound of beef) to raise your meat while 780 million people cannot get access to clean water. Consider that you can feed 16 to 20 vegetarians with the same resources that it takes to feed one meat eater. Peace and activism begins on your plate. Think before you eat.

     My reason most of all is because I believe that animals feel pain and have a consciousness. I do not want to cause another living being pain. I would if I had to survive, but I will try my best not to. We don't know if they have souls, or really if we do. I think we all do. I think we are all connected. I can't create those animal lives so how could I justify taking them? If we end up growing meat without killing, that may change things for me.

     Vegetarians are in good company. Einstein, Socrates, Edison (and Tesla), Ralph Waldo Emerson, and DaVinci were all vegetarians.

     Maybe I can convince you to have a meatless meal once a week? If you can do that for me, that would be greatly appreciated. If everyone in the U.S. did that for a year it would save 100 billion gallons of water, yes billion. It would also reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 1.2 million tons of carbon dioxide. Most important to me, it would reduce the number of slaughtered animals by 1.4 billion. Oh, this is a good time to link you to some vegetarian recipes.

Thank you for reading.

Recipes

https://www.foodandwine.com/special-diets/vegetarian/30-days-vegetarian-recipes 

30 Reasons to go Vegetarian

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathy-stevens/thirty-days-thirty-reason_b_1923921.html

Consciousness

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/christof-koch/consciousness-is-everywhere_b_1784047.html

Water

https://www.cdc.gov/healthywater/global/wash_statistics.html

Thriftshop

 

     I buy nearly all of my clothing at thrift shops. I also try to encourage my friends and family to do the same. I have found amazing designer label items. I even found an authentic Chanel purse! Often the garments still have tags on the pieces. It's kind of fun seeing what I can find. I admit I have seen some truly odd things in my searches, but that is part of the fun. Why do I do this? It's due both to the exploitative and environmental impact of the garment industry. Additionally, when people recycle their clothing it does not end up in landfills.

     The dyes used to color our clothing are creating pollution in water supplies. Larger cities impose regulations and the dyeing moves into small villages where the drinking water of the village is then contaminated by the dye. The water is dumped on the ground and contains salts and sulfides. My friend, Dr. Melissa Lenczewski from Northern Illinois University, has spent years studying water quality all over the world. She has directly witnessed the impact of the clothing industry on the people who live in small villages who make their living dyeing fabric.

     Each year 2 billion t-shirts are sold worldwide. Did you know that it takes 713 gallons of water to make one t-shirt? When you buy a t-shirt from the thrift store you are leveraging the same water that was used to produce that t-shirt rather than contributing to the problem. When you throw away your old t-shirts, you are essentially throwing away 713 gallons of water. See my link below on crafts using old t-shirts. Other garments use even more water.

     The other issue I have with the garment industry is with labor practice and sweatshops. There have been numerous stories about sweatshops. The collapse of the sweatshop in Bangladesh in 2013 was partially attributed to poor building construction, which comes down to cost. Why would they cut corners? I am guessing to keep garment costs low for their clients. There were 142 workers killed and thousands of workers injured in that incident. I have seen a lot about fast fashion. Those are retailers that sell heavily discounted clothing that is not made to last. When these retailers seek out factories they are looking at cost alone. Don't kid yourself, brands such as North Face, GAP, Ralph Lauren, and DKNY have also been in the news for sweatshop practice. Buying what is considered a "higher" quality garment does not guarantee that the garments are not made in sweatshops.   

     It is estimated that 168 million children between the ages of 5 and 15 work long hours in sweatshops. In garment factories, children perform tasks such as dyeing, sewing, cutting, packing and detailing garments. While your kid may be playing on his Xbox, many other kids in Asia and Africa are working harder than most of us will ever have to. I'd like to see us spend 16 hours doing one of those jobs and see how we feel. I don't even stay at my desk job 16 hours a day. It is a complex issue, but when you purchase your clothing from local vendors or even better, from a thrift store, you are not participating in a system that takes advantage of little kids.

     I have added a link featuring thrift stores in Denver. Check it out and remove yourself from the cycle. I don't buy everything at the thrift store, but I do buy quite a bit there. Have fun and let me know if you find anything interesting there.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/sewstacie/39-ways-to-reuse-restyle-and-rewear-your-old-t-s-9gri?utm_term=.fqBpnMkblY#.egKJx68BQm

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/mattias-wallander/t-shirt-environment_b_1643892.html 

https://www.theguardian.com/sustainable-business/dyeing-textile-sector-water-risks-adidas

https://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/25/world/asia/bangladesh-building-collapse.html

https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-sweatshops

https://labs.theguardian.com/unicef-child-labour/

https://www.yelp.com/search?cflt=thrift_stores&find_loc=Denver%2C+CO 

Creator vs Consumer

 

     How much time in your life is spent creating something beautiful or meaningful in the world? Now, how much time do you spend consuming things others have created? There is nothing wrong with enjoying all that this world has to offer us. I'm sure that I will cover that in another post! This post is about making the world a little more special by sharing your talent.

      Recently, I have made some big changes in my life. One reason for the change (among many) was that I was spending too much time consuming all the wonderful things others have created. I especially like food, art, music, books, and movies. What I have not been doing is lighting that creative fire and unleashing my own talents. I realized that there were things that I wanted and needed to do. I want to be a creator and not just a consumer. Nobody else can do what you do, so you really ought to do it!

     According to the chart below, only one in four people think they are living up to their creative potential. I suspect that some of this is due to too many things competing for time. There are just too many options out there.

     I am not in a creative field and I don't think you need to be in order to create wonderful things. I really like my job. I have been programming since I was around 10 years old. I begged my parents for a computer. They sacrificed and bought it for me. I was introduced to Basic and discovered the second love of my life. Even earlier than that was writing, my first love. No matter how much I like programming, writing is the place where I create personal and meaningful content. I don't think my code is going to be what I leave behind. It's useful and meaningful, but it's not personal.

     I want to write stories that bring people joy and make people think. When I write I can share messages with others that are personal to me. I have read so many things over the years that have inspired me. This has ranged from academic articles to non-fiction books to wonderful fiction stories. What mattered was the message created in the content. Every time I write I ask myself if what I am creating can inspire others and if it can't, I am deleting the page and rewriting it so that I can offer better to myself and others. I am not as picky with this blog. I don't do rewrites on it because I want it to flow naturally like a conversation. I have had people tell me that they have been touched by my blog, so I am fine with the content that I am creating as it is.

     One note about embracing your creative energy is that it does not have to be perfect! There is also value in pursuing creative endeavors just for the sheer joy of it. A close friend of mine just started drawing and she told me it didn't turn out great, but she loved it. She inspired me to get a set of oil pastels and I may do a little drawing myself, but only for pleasure. I have found that pursuing one creative area can feed others. It gets the energy flowing and opens that part of the mind. I am building and reinforcing those neural networks in the brain that feed creativity. This can also help with finding creative solutions to analytical problems. The brain works better when it's whole. 

     I encourage everyone to spend a little more time in creation mode and less time in consumer mode. It doesn't matter if you are not a creative person, everyone has the talent to pursue. The benefits to the mind and to others are well worth the time invested in contributing.   

It's the Holidays, You Can't be Depressed

 

Originally published December 25, 2018

     It is common knowledge that the holiday season can bring out as much sadness as it does joy. There is increased stress and pressure to be happy. I think of a colleague who we lost this year and how his family must be feeling. I think of all of those people who suffer with depression during the holidays. I think of all of the illness and loss people are dealing with and just because the calendar says December 25th, does not mean that those things go away.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2017/12/13/why-does-depression-tend-to-increase-during-the-holidays/#56c2288c4a6d 

     It caught me by surprise how alone and dark I would feel this holiday. I wasn't prepared for that. The lights did not go on the house. The tree did not go up. The stockings were not hung by the chimney with care, they were ignored. I avoided the holiday bins altogether. There are 22 years of memories in those boxes and I didn't want to open them. It would have been a reminder of how much of my life has been wasted.  A reminder that rare gift of love and connection has been broken. A reminder that nothing is how I thought it would be. Everyone can offer a positive spin on it, but the reality is that by making changes, I will pay for that by sitting in the darkness feeling broken and alone a bit.  

     It's that time of the year where everyone is spending time with their families and loved ones, which is wonderful, but the joy that I normally have from having them around is absent. Someone I did talk to in order to cheer up a bit suggested that I go talk to someone else. If I didn't feel bad enough, that surely made me feel worse. I won't be talking to that person or anyone else for a long time. I will deal with everything on my own. I have done it for years and I can do it now. Trying to open up usually seems to make me feel worse. I guess that is the Introvert life. I hope you have better luck than I do when you open up to others! From my perspective, I typically regret it.  

     Rebuilding will come with changes and positive things, but I forgot to grieve. I forgot what solitude feels like when you don't want it. None of the holiday traditions are happening this year. Who will I go with? I will be sitting in the darkness, as I am now, wondering how I ended up here. But that feeling won't last forever. I feel fortunate that I know I can get out of this because I know so many who could not escape that darkness. Take a moment to think of those people and if it's not too late, offer them comfort and love this holiday season.

 

Trust

 

     Trust is a dirty five-letter word. When you give the gift of trust, it is a gamble. I am writing this because I recently realized that my carefully constructed lines of trust are all somewhat meaningless. Hemingway is absolutely right, the only way we can know if we can trust someone is to actually do so. It's so damn difficult, well at least for me it is.

     This does not mean that trust isn't important. It means that trust is a multi-layered experience. In some ways, you can never really trust someone. I was married for 18 years before I was betrayed. If you can't trust someone after 18 years of building trust, when can you trust? Is trust complete? Is trust temporary? Can you love without trust?

     There is the level of trust that we give when we do business For example, we may trust our mechanic or prefer to shop at a particular store. We may not want to take our car elsewhere or buy from a retailer that is unknown. That is what I would consider a level one trust. Businesses that you have had great experiences with that make you loyal. I am fine with level one. The risk level is fairly low with this type of trust. You may lose money, but you won't lose a piece of your soul.    

     The next level of trust would be for colleagues, mentors, and friends. There are usually expectations that when they ask things of you or you ask things of them that you can count on each other to do what you say you are going to do. This one is more difficult. Did you open up to a new friend and have them say something cruel to you using some piece of information that you shared? Yeah, that sucks. Did you have someone not deliver a critical piece of a project? Yes, also not fun. Appreciate those level two people who always follow through and don't abuse your confidence. Give them your trust. Know that even those you trust are not perfect, and may let you down.

     You may have some trust but not complete trust. That is ok. Maybe someone is great with keeping your secrets, but that same person will definitely forget to water your plants. You can partially trust a level two person and still have a great friendship.

     Trust may not be permanent. That is also ok for level one and two people and/or businesses that come in and out of your life. Relationships like this are dynamic.

     In love the ONLY thing that matters is trust. If you love without trust, I say you really don't love. Jealousy is pointless because the person you trust will either honor that trust or betray you. It is the most difficult kind of trust to give because you are fully invested and fully exposed. You can really get hurt. You can also find depth and intimacy beyond your wildest imagination. When you achieve that level of trust with another human being be grateful and realize the gift that you have.

     I think of trust in some ways as a line that stands between you and others. When you have that line very close to you, it is possible that you are actually strangling yourself with that line. You have to let go and stop holding yourself back. Being distrustful will not protect you from pain. This is why I say my lines of trust are useless. It hasn't spared me pain. It hasn't made my life better. What would? Offering trust. It's one of those things in life where you just have to jump in knowing you might get hurt and you do it anyway.