Happiness

 

What the Hell is happiness Anyway? 

a: a state of well-being and contentment 

b: a pleasurable or satisfying experience 

     Do you agree with the Dalai Lama? Is happiness so important that it is our very purpose in life? If so, how do we get there and how much happiness is it reasonable to expect?

     If you asked me this a few years ago I might have said that it's NOT reasonable to expect to be happy most of the time. How much happiness is enough? 5 days a week? 2 days? A few perfect moments in life? What if we measure it based on areas of life? Hey, my professional life is awesome but I am miserable at home. Is that enough happiness? I do not think there is a chart showing what we can expect on the happiness scale. Oh wait....this just in, of COURSE, there are charts!

So, if you are in the U.S. like me, you may be happy but apparently, everyone around you is not feeling it.   

Now, see if you make it past the 25-year mark all is well, but before that, you will be in a steep decline. Have fun with that and congrats on your engagement. Okay, maybe I won't start a greeting card line featuring depressing charts, but I really want to...  

 Oh, this one is awesome, so 50% of our happiness is genetic? Really? That's going to mean some diligent focus on the 40%. More on that later.....

    Are you happy? If I were to ask 10 people that question, I would imagine that most people would say yes. I think it's an automatic response because really, how would someone be expected to respond if the answer is no? Now we all saw the chart up there for North America, so if everyone says yes, someone is lying. If I am in Latin America and that happens, I might buy it. I am prepared for the day someone tells me that he/she is not happy. I will actually acknowledge that person's current state and not tell that person that he/she MUST be happy.    

     Complicating the question of quantification of happiness, there is a societal expectation that you will be happy. Time magazine reports that the antidepressant industry is approaching $17 billion. Some of my closest friends struggle with depression, so I am not saying that this is unnecessary. Think about it though, it's a growing industry which means more and more people need these medications. Why exactly is there a growing drug industry selling all imaginable pills to create that contentment that we obviously must feel at all times?  

     Despite the possibly not accurate charts, I am a firm believer in being responsible for your own happiness. There's 40%. Do you make your current circumstances happier or do you improve your life to be happier? I have some bad news. Unlike the Sheryl Crow song Soak up the Sun (hate hate hate this song) that touts being satisfied with your current circumstances, I think you need to constantly improve your life to be happier. You can come after me with fire and pitchforks, but sitting on your butt not adding anything new to your life is not going to equate to happiness.

     There are many different ideas about happiness. Plato stated that caring about the happiness of others is how we find happiness. Socrates on the other hand, says happiness comes from living a life that's right for your soul, your deepest good. I think it's a little complicated because it's different for everybody and I think some people are happy about not being happy. Those people are so much fun to have at parties, not. 

     I also think many people have no idea what makes them happy. Lifetimes can be spent trying to find what creates joy in you. It can also change as you move through life. For some people, happiness is serving others and for other people, happiness may be climbing the corporate ladder. It may also come from having meaningful relationships, but caution here, nobody can make you happy. Yep, that's your job. No outsourcing allowed.

     Whose happiness is most important? Is it selfish to reach for happiness at the expense of others? I think many people do sacrifice their own happiness for the happiness of others. I said that nobody can make you happy, but can someone destroy your happiness? Well, no, you are totally in control here. However, if you are with someone who tries to actively destroy your happiness, then perhaps you should rethink that relationship. Oh, but then you are destroying that person's happiness because that person is so darn happy trying to make you unhappy. No, no remember, they can't control your happiness and if you dissolve the relationship that person is also in control of how they react. They simply cannot say "you ruined my life". Well, they can, but it's simply not true.   

     I now do have high expectations for happiness. I also allow all the experiences that occur along the way, even when they are not things that make me happy. You see if you are having anger or fear or other experiences it's okay, but if you totally give up on happiness then you are settling for a life that is so much less than it could be.