A friend of mine described me as "seeing the good in everyone". It is amazing to see so much good in the world. It can also be unhealthy not recognizing harmful aspects in relationships. It is a balance. You want to keep seeing the good, but have the wisdom to see the flaws that we all possess. I have recently become aware of a need for that balance and incorporating that into my life has made me happier and healthier. Setting boundaries and expressing my needs has not made me lose my love and compassion for others.
I want to live my life to bring joy into the human experience each and every day. Sometimes that is loving others and sometimes that is loving myself. I may know the people I help, or they could be strangers. These are typically small gestures. I would love to do more good on a broader scale, but that will never stop me from bringing micro joy into the world.
The article in the link is interesting. The article states that being "nice" is a way that many people try to receive validation from others. It can be manipulative and actually alienate people. I recently had a discussion with someone about this. He definitely agreed with the article. I say that if your daily actions do not improve the lives of others, who the Hell cares how much you love yourself? You are not making the world a better place. We don't live in a vacuum.
Here's the key, do things without expectations. If you can be anonymous, even better. Do not try to please others while not expressing your needs. Love others, but with BOUNDARIES. I never want to stop bringing smiles to the people around me, but with rules. The first rule is to love yourself! Positive or negative interactions with others will not change your relationship with self.
Some people recognize my desire to bring happiness to the people around me and they start draining me. The worst part is, in the past I let them. I know things now. I know how to walk away when takers refuse to give. My experiences with others have hardened me, but just the right amount. I may see the good in others, but it's like wearing sunglasses. I can take them off and take a look around and get a better view. "Truth is the treasure of all men." Emerson Losing innocence can be sad, but it is inevitable. It allows me to act in the most loving way to myself and in the end, I will have better relationships for it.
Isn't it nice to know a lot, and a little bit...NOT?
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