Trust

 

     Trust is a dirty five-letter word. When you give the gift of trust, it is a gamble. I am writing this because I recently realized that my carefully constructed lines of trust are all somewhat meaningless. Hemingway is absolutely right, the only way we can know if we can trust someone is to actually do so. It's so damn difficult, well at least for me it is.

     This does not mean that trust isn't important. It means that trust is a multi-layered experience. In some ways, you can never really trust someone. I was married for 18 years before I was betrayed. If you can't trust someone after 18 years of building trust, when can you trust? Is trust complete? Is trust temporary? Can you love without trust?

     There is the level of trust that we give when we do business For example, we may trust our mechanic or prefer to shop at a particular store. We may not want to take our car elsewhere or buy from a retailer that is unknown. That is what I would consider a level one trust. Businesses that you have had great experiences with that make you loyal. I am fine with level one. The risk level is fairly low with this type of trust. You may lose money, but you won't lose a piece of your soul.    

     The next level of trust would be for colleagues, mentors, and friends. There are usually expectations that when they ask things of you or you ask things of them that you can count on each other to do what you say you are going to do. This one is more difficult. Did you open up to a new friend and have them say something cruel to you using some piece of information that you shared? Yeah, that sucks. Did you have someone not deliver a critical piece of a project? Yes, also not fun. Appreciate those level two people who always follow through and don't abuse your confidence. Give them your trust. Know that even those you trust are not perfect, and may let you down.

     You may have some trust but not complete trust. That is ok. Maybe someone is great with keeping your secrets, but that same person will definitely forget to water your plants. You can partially trust a level two person and still have a great friendship.

     Trust may not be permanent. That is also ok for level one and two people and/or businesses that come in and out of your life. Relationships like this are dynamic.

     In love the ONLY thing that matters is trust. If you love without trust, I say you really don't love. Jealousy is pointless because the person you trust will either honor that trust or betray you. It is the most difficult kind of trust to give because you are fully invested and fully exposed. You can really get hurt. You can also find depth and intimacy beyond your wildest imagination. When you achieve that level of trust with another human being be grateful and realize the gift that you have.

     I think of trust in some ways as a line that stands between you and others. When you have that line very close to you, it is possible that you are actually strangling yourself with that line. You have to let go and stop holding yourself back. Being distrustful will not protect you from pain. This is why I say my lines of trust are useless. It hasn't spared me pain. It hasn't made my life better. What would? Offering trust. It's one of those things in life where you just have to jump in knowing you might get hurt and you do it anyway.