Identity

 

     Do you know who you are? Most of us have a pretty clear idea about our identity. The interesting thing is that identity is varied and dynamic.

     As children, we may identify as the smart kid, the creative kid, the sweet kid, or the athletic kid. We may be a sister or a brother. We start to know that we have a big nose or that we are skinny or fat. Our physical traits become part of our identity.

     You grow up and become a scholar, a professional, or a tradesperson. You identify yourself by your talents and interests. They become part of how you introduce yourself. My name is blank and I'm a (insert profession or education here). It becomes part of your tag line. We become what we do. 

     You may have a love in your life and you will spend part of your life saying I'm with him/her. Your connection to that person becomes part of how you identify yourself. When you have children your identity becomes Mommy or Daddy. 

     All of these ways to identify yourself are wonderful and valid, but some of them might change. Careers may come and go. Love may come and go. Your family will be consistent, but again, your identity is more than what you do or who you associate with. It is so difficult for people after a job loss or a divorce or a death because suddenly people are faced with the question of identity.  

     Your identity is your core self. Try not to forget that. I have at times in my life forgotten that and tied too much of who I was with my job or with my partner. Imagine waking up in a dark room alone, your partner is gone. You are unemployed. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Who are you supposed to be? I do think that we are here for a purpose and while your relationships and work are part of that, your inner guidance is what you should tune into. What kind of person do you want to see in the mirror and are your daily activities getting you closer to that image?   

     How do you know? Ideally, I like to meditate outside, preferably by water, to hear that inner voice of guidance. I think it is different for everyone. We get so busy that we can tune out that voice out because we don't have time for "that guy". That voice may not scream as loud as your job or your partner demanding things of you. That voice can be drowned out by music, phones, media, entertainment. There is so much to compete with. Those quiet moments are so critical.

     I write this because I have had to tune in more than I had to before I split from my partner. I am no longer a wife. I have had to deal with my identity in a different way. There was respectability with the title of "wife". It meant that someone found me worthy of love for a lifetime. I was not a hookup, I was not a friend, I was truly loved, well at least at some point. The problem is that I was also obscuring much of my true identity because my partner didn't like who I was becoming. That's okay, I didn't like who he was becoming either. 😉 I can let go of that title in order to be happier and fulfill my life purpose again. What am I now? Single? Beautiful? Curvy? A cougar? Who knows? It's okay, whatever I end up being. 

     My profession is much the same. I like my job, but I also like writing. If I write more does that mean I am not as intelligent because I am not working as a Programmer? No, but the title of Programmer implies more credibility, especially until I am a published author. I have to let go of those identities in order to fulfill what truly makes me happy.

     Let go and make room in your life to listen to your inner voice. There is so much to say and you don't want to miss it. You don't want to get caught up in labels or misconceptions.